Real Talk: the truth about my depression

b i r a m b i . c o m โ— @birambi_

As I sat down to write another blog post this morning I started by entering the title as “7 Summer Must Haves”. I planned to keep my third post on my new blog light-hearted and fun with my favorite items ranging from Arbonne products to bathing suits. I sat for over an hour typing and deleting over and over again only to realize it was time to write about something that has been on my mind for awhile now (sometimes I wonder what Jesus is layin’ on my heart ya’ll because this stuff can get personal and ugly).

So here we are to talk all things depression & anxiety.

My thoughts were like this, are you reaching to deep? Are you really going to post another problem of yours on the internet? And I also imagined the reactions of everyone reading this thinking to themselves “this girl has a LOT of issues”. (If you’re not a long time follower I’ll fill you in to a post on my old blog that discussed my battle with an eating disorder, yikes)! I thought to myself maybe I do have a lot of issues, could I really be as dark and twisty as Meredith Grey? Jesus must have a purpose for this one D and I decided in that brief moment that I would not only listen to Jesus and start writing but the issues I want to write about are the ones I don’t think are talked about enough. While I could have easily shared my list of summer must haves with you, I think those are the things we get bombarded with all the time. C’mon, you know all the ads we see on a daily basis endorsed by our favorite celebs. But, the things we don’t get to read about is being a twenty something year old girl who struggles with anxiety and depression. We don’t read about not having the strength to get out of bed sometimes. We definitely don’t read about the relationships we lose when we feel miserable about ourselves. The things that matter to me aren’t all the outside “stuff”, it’s more about making connections with you. You are the friend I want to reach, you are the reason I pour my heart out on this online diary of mine.

ย I’ll start by saying that I have been affected by both anxiety and depression at different points in my life. The depression stemming from the anxiety caused by food, things I thought about myself, things I thought people thought about me, school, work, and the list goes on and on. These were my triggers, and if you suffer from either or both depression and anxiety yours probably look a little different. I think there is a lot of stigma around mental illnesses and honestly that stinks. It stinks because this stigma causes people to not reach out and seek help. It causes embarrassment and shame in so many who are affected. I know this because I have been there and I lived it for most of my early adulthood. Last year I found myself at my lowest of lows, full of self-hate, negativity and poor me’s. I felt trapped in this pit of self destruction and I really wasn’t sure I was ever going to get out. I truly believed every negative thing I could about myself, I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough or just enough in general.

I didn’t promise this post to be a pretty one right? I know that this all sounds terrible, but it was my truth, and I know for some of you, it might be yours to.

After months and months of weekly counseling I was able to work through this depression and a lot of my anxiety. A year later and I will say that my life has completely changed. I have learned to love myself which has enabled me to love others. I have learned that food is good, and this girl loves to eat. I have learned not to take everything so seriously and to have fun. Life is short, and there is no time to waste being miserable.

There are a few things I will always advocate for, counseling, friends & family, self-love, and Jesus Christ himself. Without those four things I know I would not be where I am today.

A big thank you to my mom who supported me through everything (you da best ever). To my friends who made me laugh and smile and ultimately remember who I am. To an amazing counselor who made me cry and told me the truth I needed to hear “people aren’t thinking about you half as much as you think they are”. Last but definitely not least to the big man upstairs for his unconditional patience & grace.

If you are where I was know that you are not alone & that you are worth the fight to pick yourself up out of bed and seek help. Your happiness will always be something worth fighting for. Most importantly know that you are loved, not where you think you should be or where you have been, but exactly where you are right now. God meets you in your brokenness, in your tears, and he is there every time you need him.

“Be still” psalm 46:10

My love goes out to anyone who made it through this post.

always,

D

 

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11 thoughts on “Real Talk: the truth about my depression

  1. I went through the same case , i had depression 4 years ago and i went over it after 2 years of therapy . but the difference is i became eat less and i lost 6 kg in one month . but i’m alright now and i found new ways to forget about what happened like blogging ^-^
    here is my blog if you want to take a look at it ( mylifes-journey.blogspot.com)

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  2. This one def brought on some happy tears for me. I’m so thankful that you found your happiness and can enjoy life. Life is short eat the cake!! Love ya toots๐Ÿ˜˜

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  3. So happy you shared this and I’m so happy you’re on the other side now! I’ve struggled with the same sort of issues for a long time and I’m finally on the other side. There are still days when the devil tries to pull me back but I’m learning how to get out much quicker now.
    I have wanted to share something like this for so long but, you’re right, there is a stigma and it’s hard to feel like you’re ‘crazy’ for feeling the way you do.
    I love you girl and thank you for being so open and honest ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

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    1. Thank you so much! Life is so much better on the other side! โค It's nice to know you aren't alone, especially on the days the devil tries to bring you down. I admire you for your strength ash!

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  4. As a fellow blogger with depression and anxiety, I appreciate this post a lot. Some days I’m really focused; others I can’t think of anything but how out of place I feel, how much like a failure. There are others out there who feel your pain ๐Ÿ™‚

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  5. I. LOVE. THIS!!! I had similar struggles and feel the same way about the stigma around depression. We sooo need to talk about it more and make ourselves readily available to relate and help others who may be living it. Especially when they are the ones you least expect to be depressed because their lives “look so well put together.” I’m starting a blog and plan to be as transparent as you have.

    Looking forward to reading more i your posts!

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  6. Writing about personal struggles keeps you relatable and honest . I wrote a post about my own struggle with depression and anxiety . I put myself out there and never knew how healing it was . Keep writing , and living your Naked Truth .๐Ÿ˜˜

    Liked by 1 person

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